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Is it OK if I tell lies online?
There are occasions online when it is OK to lie. But the usual rule-of-thumb is to be as honest as you can in your online friendships. Being honest promotes trust and helps your friendships grow.
When is is OK to lie?
If your name is Frank and you tell someone that your name is Pokemon, that is not lying. It is always a safe and good idea to use a nickname instead of your real name. Eventually, if you and your parents feel it is appropriate, you can tell your friend your real first name. Never give out your last name without your parents permission.
If you live in Barrie, Ontario and you tell someone you live in Canada, this is not a lie. You do not need to tell people the exact city, province or state you live in. All they need to know is the country you live in. This is for safety reasons and is not a lie.
If your online friend has your phone number or home address for some reason (I hope it is because your parents gave it to them) and they ask you if your parents are home and you say yes when they are not. That is an acceptable lie. It is never a good idea to let someone you have never met know when you are alone in the house. Again, this is a safety issue.
Not answering a question is not lying. Often it is for safety reasons that you are not answering.
When is is wrong to lie?
If you live in New York and you told someone you live in Grobbendonk Belgium, this is a lie that can come back on you. The culture (way-of-life) in Belgium is totally different than New York city. Your one little white lie will grow into dozens and before you know it, you have given your friend the impression that you are someone you are not.
If you are female and tell someone you are male, this is a lie and not acceptable. Some people are looking for gender specific online friends. Your friend will not be happy when they find out you are someone else.
Telling someone that you are the captain of the football team when you are a chess master is lying. Again, you are pretending to be something and somebody you are not. If you are honest about who you are, you will find friendships that will last.
Telling people you know someone famous or have visited some far off country you have not been too is lying. Your friend is going to be very disappointed in you if you lie about something so unimportant. Knowing someone famous doesn't make you a better friend. As a matter-of-fact, it should having nothing to do with why someone has chosen to be your friend.
Telling someone that you have an illness when you don't is a serious lie! If I was your friend and you told me that you had cancer, and later I found this to be a lie, our friendship would be over. That is a very serious lie and not acceptable.
Telling someone you are suicidal to get attention is another serious lie. Suicide is not something to lie about, it is a very serious problem. You will be very embarrassed to hear a knock on your front door and find a policeman there to save your life if you are not suicidal. The policeman won't be too happy with you either.
Always remember that every time you tell a lie, your relationship becomes more complicated. You have to remember all the lies you told and who you told what lie too. You also have to hope these people don't know each other and compare notes. It takes a lot of time and energy to think up lies, come up with lies to cover your other lies and remember all the lies and people you are lying too. Sooner or later you will find that no one wants to be your friend or you will not want to be friends with people because you have gotten lost in your own web of lies. It truly is not worth it.
Be honest with people. If they do not like who you are then they are not worth your time. There is no need to lie unless it is for safety reasons only. It is virtually impossible to have a relationship built on lies. If you base your relationship on truth, your friendship will grow.
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The Youth Online Club ©Shauna Lee De Feyter, 1997-2008 http://www.youthonline.ca/
